It's ok...

I read this today on the Servants of Asia web site. Again another challenge.
This previous month for me has been one of discovery. For the first time in a long time, I have been in a place of having the chance to hear my Spirit and to hear God.
Knowing how to remain in this place is so difficult. Having the will to want to stay there seems impossible. Even in the moment, it seems like such a weak connection, one hijacked by ‘drivenness’, pride and ego.
Ben Pangas said to me last night:
"We prefer the illusion of control than the uncertainty of relationship."
The more I discover myself, the more I can see clearly how driven I am, and how much of that drivenness I put into protecting and enhancing my self image/projection. It’s when I do that, that I drive God's Spirit in me deeper again.

Trusting God with myself isn't something that I do well. It's something I want to do. Trusting God isn't something I do well, but something I'm learning to do.