Josh, Mel and random others

scarred up again among other things

2009-08-24T20:39:00.006+10:00

I was quite excited about getting scarred up,it was not half as painful as I last remember it, this one is for my youngest son Iseyah Taal, it is a tree which for me is a symbol of life, peace and strength. I hope these things can also be harbored in me, something of the gentle revolution.

I have a feeling tonight, that I struggled to put words to. Leunig slapped me in the face with an oversimplified vague prayer "I hope everything will be okay." Not that these vague words do justice to the knot in my stomach, but they just seemed right, to fit in an awkward kind of way. I need to just leave them there.

I'm not sure what the 'everything' is and I'm not sure what I expect 'okay' to look like, but the vagueness of it feels warm, I feel happy to sit with the vague tonight, to sit with a hope that the Great Spirit, knows exactly what the 'everything' and 'okay' is.

Leunig finished with this,
"True hope does not come in the form of some new invention to solve our problems, it's an antibody which emerges in us when we are infected with a a despair born of threat. Like resistance, hope chooses it's moment to appear, and when it emerges within us we see life afresh - and from a humbler place. Then we understand what matters and then we know what we must do."

God I put my hope in you, and I trust you even though I can't measure or order, or place a formula on life or you, teach me to embrace vagueness,suffering, joy and hope where ever they may be. And to be able to just be still in it.
Amen

This dam Pulpmill!!!!!!

2009-07-24T19:15:00.002+10:00

I received this email today, it makes me so angry that the messages that are been delivered to us can be this conveluded. please follow the links and have your say.

It's crunch time for the Gunns pulp mill, desperate to find investors. In no small part due to your efforts, Gunns have to go to great lengths to secure finance. That's why they've enlisted some high-level help to spread their misinformation:
"Construction of the mill and flow-on investment would create some 8,000 direct and indirect jobs spread across the trades and other areas. Another 1,500 jobs would be created during operation." - Ministerial Statement by The Hon Tony Burke MP, 20091
"Construction of the Pulp Mill and flow-on investment will create some 8000 direct and indirect jobs spread across the trades and other areas. A further 1500 to 1600 additional direct and indirect jobs will be created during the Pulp Mill’s operation." - Gunns statement, 20082
It's strange enough for a publicly-elected official to do PR on behalf of a private company, but it's plain inappropriate to lift it word-for-word from company propaganda - especially when the claims themselves are bogus.

The Minister's statement was intended to be heard by potential investors around the world as a sign of government support for the environmentally and economically damaging project, at a time when that support is hugely influential for investors making a decision.

Can you tell Tony Burke to make a statement on our behalf, not Gunns'? Click here to ask him to set the record straight:

www.getup.org.au/campaign/SetTheRecordStraight

Tony Burke's not just the Forestry Minister, he's also the Minister for Agriculture and Fisheries - industries where the pulp mill is predicted to cause over 1200 job losses. The source he quotes of 8000 jobs is five years old, and has since been massively discredited. Gunns themselves are now only claiming 292 direct jobs will be created.

His other claims also don't hold up to scrutiny. That's why it's so important he sends the right signal, right now, to potential investors overseas.

Together we've campaigned to ensure the vast majority of firms in Australia and overseas won't go anywhere near Gunns' pulp mill project. With only a small number of potential investors left, we need to ensure Gunns are not able to use Tony Burke's statement as a source of security for their investment.

Ask Tony Burke to set the record straight, before potential financiers make their final decision:

www.getup.org.au/campaign/SetTheRecordStraight

We can't fall at the last hurdle - we need to let the government know the pulp mill, and it's propaganda, is unacceptable.

That's why the most important thing we can do right now is make the government speak on our behalf not Gunns', and set the record straight on the pulp mill.

Thanks for being a part of the solution,
The GetUp team

PS - Gunns are desperate to convince the few remaining potential investors their unviable pulp mill project will go ahead - just this week they've announced land-clearing work will soon begin on a pipeline to feed the mill, in an attempt to shore up finance. We need the Government to distance themselves from this project now, as investors look for clues as to what level of support the pulp mill can expect in Australia.

Other statements lifted from Gunns propaganda:

"The mill will add an estimated $6.7 billion to Tasmania’s economy." - The Hon Tony Burke MP
"The project will add around $6.7 billion, or 2.5 per cent to the Tasmanian economy." - Gunns
(The National Institute of Economic and Industry Research actually found the most likely impact on the Tasmanian economy over 20 years would be negative $0.3 billion)

"At up to $2 billion in capital expenditure, the mill would be the largest ever private sector investment in Tasmania, and the largest ever by Australia’s forest industry." - The Hon Tony Burke MP
"At around $1.5 billion in capital expenditure, the proposed mill will be the largest ever investment by the private sector in Tasmania, and the largest ever by the forestry sector in Australia." - Gunns

Sources:
1 The Hon Tony Burke, MP “Ministerial Statement by the Minister for Agriculture, Fisheries and Forestry: Preparing our forest industries for the future”, 24 June 2009
http://www.maff.gov.au/transcripts/transcripts/2009/june/preparing_our_forest_industries_for_the_future
2 Gunns Ltd. “Bell Bay Pulp MIll: Environmental, Economic and Social update” September 2008
http://www.gunnspulpmill.com.au/factsheets/Facts_Update_Sep.pdf

The kids are watching...

2009-04-24T21:39:00.002+10:00

Reflections of my day.

Innocence is born, not acquired.
It can't be bought with dollars.
There is no refund policy.
It never defaults back to what it should be.

Our words, our violence, our sexuality are the weather that corrode it.
Let them hold it, at least for a little.

Interesting periods of time....

2009-04-14T22:42:00.003+10:00

This is me kicking off blogging again.

Our journey here in our little community has been really interesting. I'll speak for myself at least. I feel that I spent the first year of the last three really re-drawing the lines for me, cutting ties and setting the ship to sail on new uncharted waters. Then came year two, an equally challenging year, with plenty of forming and re-shaping, but with a lot more thinking that if things are to change than it is to be from me, or that I'm going to have to have my fingers in the pie, to initiate anything. Then comes now, and I feel that I'm standing on the brink of things that I can't touch or see, with my chest full of nervous knots, my mind and heart broken from love, my spirit alive and vibrant; holding in my hand something fragile and mystical, feeling altogether ship wrecked, yet semi-pieced together, and altogether sure of the perfectness of the road ahead.
I give thanks to the Great Spirit who has placed us on this journey with each other, not just the the 14 or so of us, but all of the people that have caused me to break again and again, from the grandmothers who want to see their children thrive, the silly young parents misguiding their children like puppets for kicks, to the kids who are trying to make sense of everything in and beyond their world. As if they are holding out candles in the dark, hoping for someone to hold and guide them. These are the people that have taught me love,grace and peace. The ones who have helped me see Gods heart and face, every time I open the door, I can't help but see something Godly. When Melody sends me to the door to say not now we need a break, I always come in with someone.
I have been pursued for a time now by the notion that God heals the sick... interesting topic, but not for now. I have also been re-awakened to the fact that to every action their is a re-action, and thus to all that has happened within our neighborhood, we are experiencing a lot of flack. I recently been seeing many spirits who have bought with them nothing but harm. I feel like I have had to re-step into old shoes to walk new roads, but this time the shoes seem to hold a bit more meaning, they make a little more sense, they fit more as they should. I am appreciative that He leaves things in our closet for later times, when they will all make sense.
I am so ever thankful for this journey. I am humbled by the opposition to it, I pray that we will never lose it, this way at least I will know that we are probably moving towards God.

Fat Preddy's Drop sum it up.

Learning to breathe again
for the first time
In so long now

Learning to see again
through my pride

Learning to speak again
from my heart

Learning to be a friend
for the first time
for the first time
in so long

Chaplaincy...

2008-10-21T09:29:00.003+11:00

So my fairly recent role as a Chaplain has been an interesting turn of events. Hearing (from kids) fairly general parental opinions and thoughts around the chaplain and the role have been a great insight into some perceptions of the church and Christians.
Figuring out my role on the other hand has been somewhat difficult but it has changed the way I view our somewhat insignificant lives in Rocherlea. One of the school social workers described herself as someone living in the ambiguous grey world between structures/organisations and people. For the children at the school she lives between the school structures and their parents, and for the parents she lives between the school structures and Child and Family Services.
Now as a Chaplain I feel something of the same. I feel that I sit somewhere in the ambiguous grey between people and the Church and the Church and God. I probably don’t have all the answers or a lot of my ideologies right but I would like to think that as someone living quite happily in the grey, maybe I can be of some help to those who fall into the ambiguous with me, and I can help them find their way.

If this is all I learn from Chaplaincy, that’s ok. I have enjoyed being someone associated with the in-betweens, maybe it’s not always healthy to live here, but for now I’ll embrace the ambiguous greyness of here.

Re-capping

2008-08-13T09:51:00.000+10:00

Thought I’d pull this from the deep. A good friend left a beautiful comment ages ago. We had been discussing the Kingdom of God and where it is, how we interact with it and what it looks like. It makes me think ask the question again. It is probably a very helpful question to be constantly asking. For me Josh nailed it in so many ways, and I wish I was this in tune!

“I thought I’d reply to your question regarding the kingdom. We spoke about it some time ago and I wanted to reply.

What is the kingdom, I arsked myself…

Already mentioned, I feel that kingdom is a journey of continual discovery … that the kingdom, or the feeling of it, has always been there, but it is only on your life journey that you discover things, experiences both large and small, that bring you closer to recognising it.

So what is kingdom? Sharing, family, friendship, love, faith, togetherness, unity. Working together to achieve a common goal. Community. Where does Mr. Allmighty fit into the picture? Accepting us and loving us unconditionally, regardless of creed, colour, gender or speech impediments, encouraging us through love to be able to love and accept ourselves and each other, no matter what.

After a recent death in my family, I felt that I needed to rethink the concept of the Kingdom. For me, what helped me and kept me strong through this journey was the support Mr. Allmighty and the incredible love of my family. Family is number one.

In sum, Kingdom:

Looks like… Flowers in full bloom in City Park.

Feels like… A group hug with the people most important to you.

Tastes like…A barbecue in Summer, just before the sun is going down.

Sounds like... ‘Daystar’, by former Tea Party front man Jeff Martin:

I am surrounded by a light that shines
In your eyes, I see my soul’s reprise
There’s so many things I need to tell you
There’s so many things I need to show you
That could take a while

I’ve seen daylight rising like a dove
The edges of twilight in the skies above
But nothing compares with what you gave me
I didn’t know that you could save me now
You knew all along

Smells like…Roses in spring.

Cheers,

Josh M”

Thanks Joshy whereever you are!

things change before your eyes.

2008-08-05T16:26:00.003+10:00

Well practically a year has passed, it seems like I’ve been standing still, yet it seems like the ground has moved under my feet (thanks Carol King :) you never know when the 80's will come in handy!)

I've been thinking a lot about faith lately and trying to make sense of my own. I recently had a conversation which sparked a train of thought. Religions are thing that are built of rituals and symbols; all too often (well for myself) the symbols and rituals overtake my faith, I wonder; if I were to choose symbols and rituals for myself, would they make a difference to my faith.

I wondered for a long time if that would be wrong.(to pick and choose and build something that suits me...)However I feel that I am not choosing parts of different faiths instead I'm simply choosing practices, I guess it's finding a way to touch God.

Now here is my drama. That is a fairly linear process (for lack of a better word)but the world in which we live isn't, and when a choice has been made to live alongside others and have a similar orientation does that 'orientation' include symbols and rituals?

It’s my birthday. (Thanks Rory he is 10)

well well well...

2007-11-07T22:18:00.000+11:00

Gez I thought a month was a long time since blogging. This has been probably one of the strangest periods of my life... possibly.
Mel and I have found ourselves in a strange place spiritually. Our uneasy feeling was partly given voice by a beautiful book called; "The Education of Little Tree." It was truely wonderful. A simple story about a small cherokee boy who at 5 goes and lives with his Cherokee grandparents. It spoke to me about a spirituality that I long to have, one that is grounded, engaged and active with the cyclic world that God placed me within. In this though a new journey has started in finding 'religious' actions which lead us towards God and others. A journey that I hope to come from the very depths of me. One that I don't want to start, but one that I'm keen to kick off.
It is interesting what consumes me though, Even though my pursuit is for God, anger and work and general life gets well in the way, the fight for God continues to get drowned out by busy tasks.
ahhhh - not going to proof read just post this sucka it's time to go shopping and I'm running late.

The Wallabies destroyed... I don't understand?

2007-10-08T16:11:00.000+11:00

Two big upsets in one weekend... Australia and the All Blacks. I guess this is where I have to cross my fingers and hope the best for the Pumas.
It's a sad way to end the world cup.

wow a whole month and no blogging!!

2007-09-05T09:23:00.000+10:00

What a month!
I'm going to make a list of everything that’s happened just to sort me out:
- I quit my job (only 9 days until the official end)
- I started another job, which has been great!
- Mel and I have started to implement a 24-hour period of rest. (We have had one, which we thoroughly enjoyed)
- We went dumpster diving and got HEAPS!
- Our neighbour finally had the operation that she has been waiting on for the last 5 months!
- Her son spent a week with us while she was recovering.
- I started (with the help of others) digging up the foundations for an outdoor area. I'm so soft!
- A young boy has been making a conscious effort to not hurt people.
- Aaron and I distilled my apple cider! Man that stuff will blow your socks off!
- I'm about to click over another year (23).
- I ate and wattle grub.
- A mum has been able to let her son leave her sight, know that he is safe and enjoy a little space to her self.
- Our friend was cleared from the doctors from having blood clots!
- I'm supposed to start running a couple of nights a week with some blokes from down the road. (I’m not sure what I’ve signed up for yet.
- I've done 15000 kms on my bike (I thought I’d have a new one by know ;) haha all dreams!)
- We met the mother of two of the girls who frequent our house.
- Chay is now 5 months old.
- We need to figure out either how to keep Fran (our dog) in our fence, or find a place that would be more suitable for her. She has too much energy! 
- Our neighbours returned safely from a 3-month 4WD trip.
- A young girl experienced not seeing anger or violence levelled at her (or anyone else) for an accident.
- I planted my corn, lettuces, radishes, snow peas, silver beat, and onion.

I'm sure there’s been more but that’s where I’m up to.
Mel and I have had a significant month in terms of our spirituality as well. Nothing cemented but I think there would be a measure of concern if it we cemented. It's been a pleasure just living actually, not that it's been easy, but it's enjoyable to look back and see the Spirit (love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance) in things. Life is a funny thing with plenty of stories to be told, and lives shared. I sometimes feel sad when I can enjoy it when there are lots very close to me who are hurting. I will keep working though to see peace restored in broken lives and families around us.
Maybe this is a good thing to do every month.

Another poem

2007-07-27T11:26:00.000+10:00

Repetition is funny thing,
Kind of like the tide, it will be back,
I will be back again in the same shoes, same desk, same headspace.
Ahhh
Sighs of boredom? Of complaint? Left without translation, just sighs.
That could mean anything…
Pain, loneliness, arrogance, displeasure, happiness.
I wonder if the world will end with a sigh. No great explosions, No war, just a sigh

The questions in my head swirl.
People talk about purpose and drive, as if it is always that easy.
I wonder if displacing an answer takes our responsibility away from asking it.
Find what drives you… blah blah blah
Sometimes I am those people
I wonder if it is safe to be honest to myself.
How do I quell this mutiny of the self?
Like a weathered Captain of old, I will smile at the storm as my ship sinks…
Maybe there is a better way

Old questions with the same answers
A sigh…
Not of relief, just a sigh, that could mean anything…
Oh, to have a new response, a new way forward, they would be like new shoes
Uncomfortable at first but they will become as old friends.
Throwing the net of questions far, yet pulling in nought
With hope and vigour, I cast the net, and with renewed enthusiasm, I pull it in,
Left only with exhaustion at my naked catch

Repetition is a funny thing.

Democracy…

2007-07-06T16:04:00.000+10:00

I have no answers or comments, I feel so disappointed and let down by the west’s golden calf (democracy).

read here

I received an email from a friend who put it well:

I feel Tasmania has been completely done over by Gunns (with support from the Lennon Govt). How is such poor development, such brazen corruption, such poor process, such greedy behaviour, such disregard for democracy, such poor stewardship of the earth allowed to persist? It is hard not to lose heart. I'm guessing that the powerlessness that we feel is just a taste of what millions of people in developing communities experience when they are subject to the whims of greedy developers.

Our democracy is unfortunately defunct. Our democracy allows private investors to fund political parties, therefore leaving us with a dictatorship, rather than the former. Both sides of the Political fence (liberal and labour) and many other public voices throughout the north of Tasmania have been bought, and coloured with the same political brush. Many others who dare to speak have found themselves on the end of law suits filed against them.

I feel crushed upon this news.

A story - from "Lines in the Sand"

2007-06-14T12:26:00.000+10:00

The Singer and the Song

Once in the service of the High King of Elb, there was a musician named Lark. He could play the plekta till its three strings rang like thirty. He could blow the tenor netto till it wailed like a woman in labor. And when he sang, his voice was so pure, it was said that he spoke a hundred truths in a single breath.

Everyone loved Lark, but none more than the young prince of Elb. Whenever he heard Lark sing, the prince would put his small hand in the musician's, look up at him and say, "Oh Lark, you are the fairest and the truest of all the men in my Father's kingdom."

On hearing that, Lark would squat down on his heels so that he could look the boy right in the eye.
"Do not confuse the singer with the song, my prince,"
he would say.

The Prince did not believe him, of course. Princes believe what they will. But many years later, on the day the poor folk of the land rose up against the High King, Lark made a song for their victory. In it he rhymed 'tyrant' in a dozen different ways, which one could in the old tongue.
"I thought you were true," whispered the prince to Lark, when they took the entire royal family out of the dungeon to be hanged.
"I thought you were the fairest in the kingdom," the prince said as the rope was put around his neck.

But Lark did not answer. He only smiled at the prince. For he had never confused the king with the crown, the rope with justice, or the singer with the song.

Cleaning up

2007-06-05T10:10:00.000+10:00

Spent 10min this morning cleaning up my desktop. I came accross one of my poems written a while back, and some great Nizlopi lyrics. I thought I would share both as they seem to fit my current mood.

A Mixture of two days
People looked tired today
Working the 9-5
Or is the 9-5 working them?
The veneer is more thin than many would believe

Hopeful dreams
Desperate tears
Of days that embrace purpose, cause
Of a reason to get up

Self medicated
Self taught
Self-help
Self-sufficient

No need for a ear
No need for a elder
No need for an expert
No need for anyone

Homage To Young Men Lyric by Luke Concannon
Verses Alastair McIntosh
Chorus Luke Concannon
Music John Parker

I want to talk to the young men out there. It’s for the women too, but especially the men, cos it’s tough to be a young man in this world. You have to face so much heartbreak and loss. In love and career and life. It’s easy to forget the meaning and give up. To burn up or sell out to addictions, despair or greed. Easy to forget that life’s a journey with a beginning, a middle and an end. It’s about navigating the future, your future. It’s about learning to become a man who’s real, and able to love.

Chorus:
Are you waiting for me? Are your hands down in the dirt? We belong together. I’ve been longing since my birth to be arms around you to be true to who we are, to let all our pain out to be playing in your heart.

So let’s talk about the first stage of life. The departure, when your boat is pushed out on the river. Most of who you are is still your small self. The you your family has made you, your schooling and your friends. You’ve still not found your deep self, your Great Self, cos that’s what the journey’s for. So you set out, full of hope, but with a heavy load. All the baggage of your upbringing. All the love, yes, but the fuckedupness too. Maybe the absent father, or the smothering mother, or the cold indifference of those around you. It’s no wonder you’ve a rough ride coming. It’s gonna get tough and it’s got to. So you can find yourself. So you can become a real man.

Chorus

And that’s when you hit the second stage of life. The initiation in the rapids and the storms. That’s when you find the pain of brokenheartedness. Love affairs that fail, failures in career and all your hopes for what the world might have been. Plenty young men founder grazed on such jagged rocks as these. Bruised and angry in a storm of violence towards self and others. But it doesn’t have to stay like that. No, my friends, not if you push on and open to the inner grace that will bring you courage. The courage to face reality as it is, without lies. The courage to know your wound but to insist on beauty and outgrow it. The courage to open your heart, to hold fast to truth, and to stand each step in your dignity.

Chorus

And that’s the courage that brings your boat to the third stage of life. To see how your small self is held in a greater Self. And that you’re fit to be an elder in your community, able to share the gifts and the blessings. Able to support and inspire what gives life among your people. And to love your beloved; to love and be loved by the Beloved no less, my friends. Because we’re talking here of love in all its meanings. And you can only love with a deepening heart. And that is why you had to grow courage on this journey to the ocean. That’s what your battle wounds on the field of life were all about. That, my dear friends, is what qualifies you to be a man in your community. Capable of loving and able to be loved…. Capable of loving and able to be loved…. Capable of loving and able to be loved

nizlopi

thoughts and musings

2007-05-25T15:52:00.000+10:00

I think I’m losing the plot (Allan you’ve been asking this question for quite some time). Something has gone wrong, and I think I know what it is, but I don’t know how to make all things spin again.
I’ve had enough of taking part of this theatrical interpretation of life. I need something solid here.
I can’t watch anymore as people attempt to re-enact the lives of other so-called celebrities.
I can’t watch anymore as people play with the spirituality or religion like it is the left overs of meal that no-one really wanted to eat in the first place.
I can’t watch anymore as people pour upon their bodies the troubles of this world.
I desperately want to turn my head and refocus on making myself feel something of okness, and pretend that if I shut my eyes all this hell will go away.

Somewhere near here I should hit the bottom, maybe from the bottom I can find a way up. Maybe at the bottom I won’t have to worry anymore about the stability of my self built false floor. I have found myself hoping for the bottom, maybe from there I can refocus on the pin-point of light at the top again, and rediscover my ‘why’ then I pray that it will make sense in my head again. Maybe the bottom won’t be anything like I expect, maybe the bottom will be the actual top… and the seeming top be the actual bottom. Maybe I’m closer to discovering how to engage with God in a new way than I think, or maybe I’m closer to seeing more clearly why it is that I can’t seem to get anywhere.

Maybe I’m depressed, or burnt out, I believe that I’m a little of both. For some reason it feels ok. Possibly, as I wait for the morning sun to rise I will understand a little more than I already do.

For all you Cockroaches this is for you!!

2007-05-23T09:10:00.000+10:00

As a Queenslander I would just like to remind all those New South Welshman out there about who won last year and would just like to suggest a probably outcome for the game tonight?...
Here's the line up: There is a few changes that I would make, but still it's looks pretty good:

1. Karmichael HUNT (Brisbane Broncos)
2. Brent TATE (Brisbane Broncos)
3. Steven BELL (Manly Sea Eagles)
4. Justin HODGES (Brisbane Broncos)
5. Greg INGLIS (Melbourne Storm)
6. Darren LOCKYER (c) (Brisbane Broncos)
7. Johnathan THURSTON (North QLD Cowboys)
8. Steve PRICE (New Zealand Warriors)
9. Cameron SMITH (Melbourne Storm)
10. Petero CIVONICEVA (Brisbane Broncos)
11. Tonie CARROLL (Brisbane Broncos)
12. Carl WEBB (North QLD Cowboys)
13. Dallas JOHNSON (Melbourne Storm)

14. Shaun BERRIGAN (Brisbane Broncos)
15. Jacob LILLYMAN (North QLD Cowboys)
16. Nate MYLES (Sydney Roosters)
17. Neville COSTIGAN (Canberra Raiders)

I would get rid of Civoniceva (because he's USELESS, and somehow impresses the selectors every year) and bring back from retirement Trevor 'the axe' Gillmeister, no actually I think Mal should step out of the coaching role and make a comeback, anyone will do, just get Civoniceva off the ground!

All in all it should be a good game (even with Civoniceva casually strolling around the battlefield. This is just a drop in the bucket compared to the enormity of the Bleddislow Cup (Australia V New Zealand) June 30th. Rugby Union is by far the better game. But tonight Rugby League will do.

In closing I will leave a picture of the 06 QLD team and highlight the strangely beautiful man Holding the Shield, more commonly known as Darren Lockyer. For all those who watched last years game, you will remember what this dream boat did to the opposition. He may be getting old, but unlike 'The Axe' he blatantly refuses to move into a nursing home. Tonight at 7:30 you will see him gracing the field, (possibly with a walker or even one of those little gofer things you see the oldies going to the shop in, but he'll be there!

Go the Maroons!

Kids

2007-05-18T16:36:00.000+10:00

Mel and I have had kids from around Rocherlea hanging out at our house, pretty much everyday for the last 3 months. It’s been amazing to meet all these little characters. It’s also been amazing to see them in their social settings and the values and attitudes that they come with. At first, they were hectic and over powering generally, but this week when Mel was in hospital with Chay, the two nights I was home alone it was amazing how much I missed their company and energy. They may just be kids, but it has me wondering about what Jesus meant when he said about us having to become like a child before we can enter the kingdom of God.

Yesterday I got home from work and Mel told me a story about her day, which involved the one of the kids specifically. Melody was about to walk up to the shop to get milk, and the kids were going to go with her. As she just got out the front door, she checked to see if she had enough $’s, as it turned out, she was a little short. On the announcement of going to the shop, one of the boys declared that he had $6 and was making a list of things that he was going to buy for himself. However, upon discovering that Mel did not have enough, he offered that he would give Mel the money that she needed to get the milk.

The rest of the story is irrelevant, but it got me to wondering again, about what Jesus meant when he said that we had to become like a child before we could enter His Kingdom. Moreover, here on my doorstep a 9-year-old boy shows me something of sharing valuable things with friends. A 9 year old having $6 is a significant thing. A 22 year old having $6 is nothing, however sometimes I am unprepared to part with small amounts for the sake of someone else; let alone part with something that is significant to me.

I wonder what else these (at first annoying) kids have to teach me about God.

Pop culture poisons my soul…

2007-05-11T11:26:00.000+10:00

I’ve been reflecting on what it really means follow Jesus and to be incarnational.
Though it’s true that Jesus became “one of us” and identified himself with most human experiences, He did not submit to the popular culture of His day. When I choose to live “missionally” in the community I live in, it’s not much a matter of becoming like the people around me in their values and lifestyle choices. Rather it’s a matter of living generously, freely and lovingly alongside people. Others don’t grow from simply seeing a mirror image of themselves, rather they grow through having a listening ear, genuine compassion and kindness. My life is a human life. Full of ups and downs, fears and dreams, mundane and amazing.

I find myself consistently poisoned by subconsciously believing & following pop culture.
Though I’ve never considered myself beautiful and often craved beauty in the popular sense, it has never been as much a struggle for me as now that my body is stretched and “marred” by experience, by use. Why do I struggle to view these scars as beautiful? It’s because I buy into the belief that outer “perfection” brings happiness. I buy into the belief that my husband needs a picture perfect model to make love to; that I need to smell like Paris Hilton rather than baby powder; that I should turn heads in the street.

I’ve been meditating on a phrase that John the Baptist said about Jesus:
“He must become greater & greater, I must become less & less.”
At the heart of popular culture is the opposite “I must become greater & greater, others must become less & less.” Maybe we cringe at the statement, but how often do our lives reflect the second phrase, not the first?

When I seek first my own happiness, happiness eludes me.
Maybe that’s why God said “seek first My kingdom”. It’s an upside down kingdom that elevates the innocent, inexperienced, poor, wretched, humble and despised.

As I thought about this I was shocked by how much western Christianity often reflects popular culture more than Christ. Oh it’s thinly veiled by pious words… “delight yourself in the Lord”…. IN ORDER TO GET “the desires of your heart”. When we reflect on how much Jesus “loves us & wants the best for us” at the expense of the other things that He said, we’re simply putting a fish sticker on a million dollar Mercedes. Jesus said “woe to the rich”. Yet we think Rich? Yeah – you’re going down Tom Cruise and forget that Jesus was speaking to people whose riches paled in comparison to ours.

Another curse of pop culture I think is choice. We can choose who we talk to, who we ignore, what job we do, whether we drive, ride or walk. We can choose to change partners every few years, upgrade our possessions regularly, travel to new countries.
Why I think it’s a curse is because we’ve forgotten the value of endurance, faithfulness, simplicity. A little while back Josh & I watched a simple movie about a Mongolian family… people who still live in tents, still raise what they need to live on, whose circle of influence extends as far as their family & a small community of people. Are they any less valuable in God’s sight? Are their achievements any less than ours?
I’ve been meditating on the often used expression “when Jesus was on the cross He had my face in His mind”. Slowly I’ve begun to question that. Where does it indicate this? Yes it’s true that Jesus is God & God is powerful enough to think of and maintain all the billions of human beings at all times. Yes it’s true that God has a deep love for each of His created beings. Yes it’s true that Jesus’ life, death & resurrection free us from being under a curse of not knowing God’s love. But was Jesus focused on ME as He died? Do any of the few words He spoke show that? He was still human, still focused on those around him, those who crucified him, his mother and His Father that He committed His Spirit to.

Perhaps we like to imagine Jesus’ final thoughts being about us as an individual. But considering the communal nature of God I find it far more likely that His thoughts weren’t about how great Melody’s life will be if I do this. Perhaps we need to explore further the fact that God loved the WORLD so much that he gave His only Son and spend less time substituting our own name in every verse that promises God’s love.

I know that the first to speak often sounds right until someone else offers another view. So putting these thoughts on a blog opens me up, in humility, to the thoughts of others.
Mel

Pick of the Litter!

2007-05-07T16:46:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I wonder about how I got to where I am spiritually etc, I look back and am marveled at just how much God has placed before me and the relationships that I am honored to be apart of.

But there are days like this one, when I meet my match. Admittedly I should never have even entertained the thought as there is no way we could afford it, but I took for a test ride an Aprila RSV Tuono-R 1000 (It may be an 03 model but I dare not fall in love with its 07 counter-part). This V-Twin behemoth took my breath away, with its low down toque, and beautiful song (it would make the best church choir/band, look like common hacks!), it has replaced the Honda VTR Firestorm as my favorite bike. I could feel my arms throbbing even after I got home. Ahhh what a bike, many people consider Italians to be very arrogant, but when some little Italian man is designing bikes like that; than as far as I’m concerned, they are allowed to be arrogant.

Its days like these that I wonder why it is that I steer very hard away from the image of God who is the giver of the things that I want. The whole, go and proclaim it to be yours and you will get what ever you want. Because if I believed it even just a little, I would be down there praying my butt off right now! I don’t think that many (urbs/Dad excluded) who occasionally read my blog really appreciate the enormity of this, but trust me if you were into bikes you would get it. ;)

Ahh I’m sure God has got a better road for me to be on. Today I wish that I was on the road with my Aprila, but I guess it’s just not to be.

Not my will, but yours be done.

Poem of the day

2007-05-03T16:45:00.000+10:00

Days… Just trapped in my head stuck in between, wanting something better and wanting to change and staying the same.
Stuck feeling increasingly indecisive, confused and stubborn
Itching to change, but feeling that I should consolidate
Wanting stability, craving for spontaneity
Needing space to be alone, feeling afraid of my self.
Wanting God, concerned about what he might say
Praying for rain, hanging out for a ray of hope
Maybe I should just sleep…
Maybe I should stop running from myself
Maybe I should listen to God?

Spirituality???

2007-05-01T10:16:00.000+10:00

The spiritual life is hard work and anything less than that is a distortion. (Eugene Peterson)

I have been thinking a fair bit about the Spiritual journey that Mel and I are on. My Dad the other night had just come back from a Spiritual retreat that was run by a local Catholic Spirituality centre, and has been receiving Spiritual Direction from an Old Catholic nun. She made a comment to him that has really made me stop and think. She said to my Dad that “Protestants know the word of God, but the true Catholics know the God of the Word.” At first I thought yeah that’s good, I would like to know both a lot better and find a balance between the two. I got to thinking though about my vague fear of other Spiritual people. I’m talking about Spiritual people that are into the whole New Age movement. Some of these people have a sense of spirituality that puts most, if not all Christians/disciples of Jesus to shame.
Then the old nun’s statement made sense. Maybe my fear of their spirituality is due to my own lack of Spirituality and connection with the one true God; and is due to me fearing that my theology won’t stand up to their spirituality.
So maybe if I was a far more Spiritual person, and not only knew the Word of God, but also knew the God of the Word, the fear would be reduced.

I would like to know God like some of the old boys of the bible, the Peters and David’s, and non-biblical like the Mother Theresa’s and those kinda characters. I think that link between theology and action has a massive part to play in Spirituality. I don’t know, it’s something worth exploring.

I spoke at a youth holiday camp leadership thing they had for their youth leaders, anyhow, I got an email from one of the people who was in my workshop. I chose some of his choice questions/statement that seems to always pop up in my life. It made me aware again of our general lack of Spirituality, (using the nun’s statement as a measuring stick) His statements were:

“The whole idea behind a Love that has no conditions, no requirements or demands, is such a powerful thing, but something that is so terrifyingly difficult it almost makes me stop and wonder whether I am truly a Christian at all. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was very inspired and motivated by your message, but it makes me wonder just how much I do love God if I'm not even willing to follow His main command. I mean, do I really want God to move through my life? Or, is it I just want Him to make me feel good while I go about living my life the way I want to?”

“Its easy to believe in Jesus when all He is to you is a Genie in a bottle. But, when He actually confronts you and commands something of you, somehow you begin to doubt His existence. Well, I do anyway.”

I felt quite honoured to be asked to speak there. But mostly it just weirded me out. Like I’ve done the whole preaching thing before and that’s fine, but watching people write things down that I was saying, ha that just seems stupid! I find that when I speak all (ok some of) my fears and issues seem to boil to the surface, but to those that were there I hope and pray that something in it encouraged you to move forward toward Jesus.

Ah the pain...

2007-04-27T16:40:00.000+10:00

I have been aching to carve out some time to write some stuff, not just on the blog but in general I feel the need to journal. I've been trapped however in work at the moment, and chay the scummer doesn't leave much time to stop either. But I have to tell you... I now take my hat off to parents (mostly) they have done it tough.
I feel for the kids of the world who are brought into it and told that they are only worth $6000.
So maybe I'll post/journal something tonight if time permits...

Restoring the Balance

2007-04-12T14:19:00.000+10:00

This is an excerpt from “Restoring the Balance” radio show on Sunday nights on Triple J. (This article is to be read sarcastically)

“We don’t just sit and sing and talk about Easter, we also re-enact the life of Jesus in a stage show, it’s got everything, it’s got drama, and in particular we change the scene where Jesus threw the money lenders out of the temple. And instead turns the temple into one of the largest auditoriums in the area, and then he purchases surrounding acreage, builds a school next to the temple, café’s, gyms, boutique TV studios and all with state of the art audio visual equipment as well. That is a little twist that we give to the story, but it does remain truthful to the text, or even the broad narrative thrust of the story of Easter.”
It can be heard here:
http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/restoringthebalance/audio.htm
The live feed dating 8/4/07 (this particular section is about 5 min in roughly.

I think this is 1: funny, as it strokes my cynical side, but 2: Really disgusting, not because they are having a shot at the church, but because everyone else seems to be able to see the seemingly obvious distance between the story of Jesus and a lot of what the Church seems to champion. Is the Church that blind that it cannot see?

There have been some good blog article going around this past week (or 2) and I would encourage you to read these full article if you haven’t seen them already.

Tim from A foot in both places made this statement:

“I feel sad when I see articles like this. I see the institutional church playing as if it still sits at the centre of society and culture. The sooner it realises that things have changed and starts behaving that way the healthier it and the relationship between Christianity and our society will be.”

Dan from Poser or Prophet made this one:

“Therefore, the crisis that we face is not only one of imagination, it is also one of willing. Christians in the West have become far too comfortable within the structures of capitalism (after all, the wolf prefers to eat people overseas and not the wonderful people in my neighbourhood -- or so it seems) and, consequently, have imaginations that have run dry. We will begin to be able to imagine economic alternatives to capitalism when we begin to embody economic alternatives to capitalism. And it is one of those alternatives that I hope to begin to describe in my next post.”

Allan Hirsch brought up this quote from Jacques Ellul:

“No doubt some will reply that God is not a God of disorder, incoherence, or arbitrariness, but a God of order. Of course he is. Unfortunately the whole of the Old Testament shows us that God’s order is not that which we conceive and desire. God’s order is not organization and institution (cf. the difference between judges and kings). It is not the same in every time and place. It is not a matter of repetition and habit. On the contrary, it resides in the fact that it constantly posits something new, a new beginning. Our God is a God of beginnings. There is in him no redundancy or circularity. Thus, if his church wants to be faithful to his revelation, it will be completely mobile, fluid, renascent, bubbling, creative, inventive, adventurous, and imaginative. It will never be perennial, and can never be organized or institutionalized. If the gates of death are not going to prevail against it, this is not because it is a good, solid, well organized fortress, but because it is alive; it is Life that is, as mobile, changing, and surprising as life. If it becomes a powerful fortified organization, it is because death has prevailed.” — Jacques Ellul, The Subversion of Christianity

These three in particular speak of the very issue that the church faces. I think personally something has been lost; I remember a story I heard CB Samuels tell about an Indian friend of his that went to the U.S. to study the church, and on his returning, the group that sent him said;
“Well, tell us what you learnt.”
His response was something of the sort.
“It’s amazing how much they get done without the Holy Spirit.”

I wonder if we gave God the space he wants to speak through us through word and deed, what it our picture of church would look like. I hope and pray that I would have the rocks to stand up under the example of the resurrection and say, I refuse to settle for anything less than the kingdom. I refuse to compromise, consolidate or compartmentalise, God’s message is for the world, and I will be a spokes person and take it back to where it belongs, in the hands, hearts and imaginations of ordinary people.

In the words of blind Bartimaeus; “Jesus son of David have mercy on me.” I wish I had the gumption of this man. That even before receiving his sight, he throws off anything that he previously hoped in, he threw aside his cloak which probably had his money on it, and he threw aside his family and personal desires of using his new eyes. Then when Jesus said, “Go on your way”, there is only one way left, and said himself, I have found the most beautiful pearl, this worth me selling everything I have, and following Jesus.

I wish I had the gumption or courage to do the same.

A poem for the day

2007-04-02T15:44:00.000+10:00

Hmmm… no title fits… seems fitting

Fear and uncertainty are two funny things
Two things that I’m not sure I can over come.
Do I act?
Do I pretend it doesn’t exist?
Boiling away underneath, down played by assumed confidence

Are others like me? Hearts agape because of pain
Unsure of safe harbours
Or am I alone on this journey?
Where is God’s dream on this road?
Or is this it?

Too many questions leave me at square one
Too many answers create assumed confidence.
Too many fears to make the next step
Too much uncertainty to know what is next

I hope, a little; I wish it were a lot. A little will do.

Woo Hoo a little baby!!!

2007-03-29T08:37:00.000+10:00

I'll put the minute by minute story on here another day ;) (cause I know you all want to hear it.) Main this is Mel did a heaps good job, she's doing really well, Chay is doing wicked, he was feeding alright last night when I left.
So here's to the future.
:)